MEDICAL JOURNEY 2.0

I never actually thought i will be back writing my life here again. I thought, I handled it well. I thought, I have matured and this "Phase" is over the book anymore, but here we are. 

 

Chapter 1: She survived!

 

    It’s already the season of neurons striking again. Ready to face the world with head held high, hands quivering,  not knowing what another dimension to face. I entered medical school in hopes that I will be the One that I've been dreaming of. Thinking it'll be beneficial to everybody that surrounds me. I am grateful that I have the means to pay for my tuition fee, my parents did it. Even if its hard for them to provide for the 5 of us, they still manage to pay my fee, and my other miscellaneous. And for that I am so grateful. 

    It was hard, I remembered crying in front of my mother telling her that it was so hard, that medical school is beyond unimaginable that everything really has the depths and sometimes I drown on it. She told me, "If it's hard, then QUIT! Stop it!", instead of babying me or consoling me this is what she told me, I know in her heart that she means well that's why I told myself that I WILL NEVER QUIT! whatever happens because this is my destiny. And I am so glad that you didn't Erika. I am so proud of you.

    Whenever I am so down and unmotivated, God has always plan on reminding me why I started on the first place, He would constantly show me that He is the above all. One of those is my favorite verse in the Bible, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." JEREMIAH 29:11. Every bit of this verse word signifies something, and for that I became resilient in every battle I face. Although it wasn't always pots and gold, but for that it hone me to be a good person.

    Friends and fellow colleagues are the best. There is no man in an island, you need to survived. God made sure that I survived with good people and that's why I pray for their success and happiness in life, we may have different venture, I hope and pray that we can meet each other and be flourish on our chosen life. We are indeed a group of doctors that I will never trade on whatever life gets me. Thank you to my Medbestfriends. 

    Mid-year, pandemic hit us, we were forced to do online class and limited face to face. Life becomes a little bit hard, but I have no idea how much may affect this to other people. Again, I am grateful for this season because my family and I were well and we have good shelter and food on our plate. Thank you Lord for being our protector and healer. When I was a kid I always wonder how it feels like to be homeschooled, jokes on me I've experienced it,and it was no joke, although I have focus some stuff on myself, I've become interested on editing some videos, (here some link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx18u6uZkPw). 

    I've also meet someone, since I am NBSB this is all surreal for me, but with the blessing of God and our parents, We are getting married this April 30, 2024, we got engaged last April 30, 2023. God is good.

Chapter 2: She meets her purpose!

    Clerkship was fast approaching and because we are still under the pandemic restriction due to COVID 19, even our wardworks were minimize to avoid exposure. I am grateful for the opportunity but then I was also shocked with the condition that my fellow Filipino was facing. I know it was tiring on my part but to these patients it's beyond imaginable. We were so blessed that when I first encounter my patient I am embraced by "WHYS". I know that the healthcare system in our country is so shit. 

Chapter 3: He reminds her!

    

    

PROLOGUE

    The broad idea for this profession is something that you can boast of. Having your Heads held high while walking on the corridor, just the simple word of it amazes people. Those were the things I anticipated and mind you, it does work. BUT it was so hard to go by every single day without reading those thick books, listening to the professors during lectures and laboratory and having an outlined form at the end of the day. It was hard and stressful. There are stuff that I do in order to survive the day. Is this really what I want? Am I willing to endure this for the rest of my life? These were the questions I forgot to ask to myself before entering the MedSchool.

    The first day of school is like any other typical freshmen first day, seeking for your company and later on will lead to friendship, it’s a good thing I’m with my friend during this process I did survive the day. We were actually not expecting meeting 7 doctors in just one meeting, here and there introducing themselves and their subject matter plus giving us some tips to survive this process.

    This adjustment period is shit, my sleeping pattern is so mess that I feel so sleepy all the time, I have some novels to finish, games to win and movies to watch but still I only have little time for studies.

    I reach my rock bottom when I failed my first exam and the other and the other. I was so devastated but I can’t blame anyone because this is my doing, I prayed to God for wisdom and understanding but took only few minutes to read and reread. How can dreams be possible with that kind of effort and so, I accept this reality.

    I accept my failures and I accept the outcome but I have to do something, I need to do something because this is what I want, this is what I look forward for the rest of my life. My passion in healing will come to reality and I just need myself to cooperate. Cause dreams will be just dreams without an effort. I have invested my time, effort and money here, there is no more turning back because God has directed this path to me.

So my advice is if you are going to enter any field, ask yourself this, “Am I really sure?”

IF I CAN DO IT! YOU CAN! With GOD'S GRACE...

WHY NOT "SELF LOVE"

Our time is limited. Nobody knows when or where or how or why or what will be the cause of our death. I've realized that I spend all my time being idle, so when my best-friend's friend's sister passed away in such a young age, it made me halt on whatever I'm doing to think and reflect for a second.

I've wasted my time complaining on very small things that doesn't really matter at all.
I've wasted my time sleeping for long hours.
I've wasted my time hating other people, I have no connection with.
I've wasted my time in social media than chatting with my family face to face.
I've wasted my time literally doing nothing.
I've wasted my time waiting for my true love and not doing the first move.
I've wasted my time being angry to myself and to others mistakes.
I've wasted my time and I can't redo this things anymore.

Death is inevitable but before I say goodbye to this beautiful world, I want to ask myself if I'm happy to the things I've done.

What are the things I've done?

What are the things I've done that made me happy?

Most of this are not captured by camera, and most of this are not express thru words, these are the moments, those rare moments that we often disregard.

So, hello again. The first time I've wrote this the title was "LIVE AS IF YOU'RE GOING TO DIE TOMORROW", so I am currently editing this then I've realize why not "Self Love".  There are things that we don't appreciate because we lack something.

This is being grammatically incorrect.But you know what, who cares this is how limited my ability is, is, I can't force myself to be perfect that will lose my interest in writing, not to be able to express myself thru writing. I know someday I will backread this the I'll laugh because I will start correcting myself. And if ever I am reading this again, I just wanna say how proud I am to you Erika. Thank you for being brave so that you can reach whatever destination God has prepared you. I love you so much that I always want whats best for you and I am sorry for the times I can't comfort you because I don't know what to say. You are the best and you will become the best damn doctor the world has ever seen. You will become a mother and wife. And all of your dreams will come true. Just keep the faith burning and always remember that I am so proud of you. Godbless you more and be happy you deserve it.

Those words.

Journey to my Dream

I failed my pre-board test and my Dean told me "Kulang pa, Mag-aral pa kayo"
A lot of things happened during that moment, words that breaks my heart endlessly.
It's funny that I still managed to be calm but I was crying so hard.
I told her " I believe in your Judgement po"
I can't stop crying, I'm so sad, so alone...
I failed.

In just few weeks they'll be Registered and I'm not.
That day came, results are out and ta-da "100%".
All of them passed the Board Exam.

I was happy for them, that's the truth BUT I was sad for myself that's the fact.
I congratulated them on Messenger while crying. I ate my breakfast while crying.
I was crying the whole time, hoping that it will ease the pain.
Hoping and hoping...

My mama looked at me, she saw how devastated I was.

She told me "Huwag ka na magbasa ng Pocketbook at mag-selfie"
My mama was angry at me because she doesn't want me to feel this way.
She throws a joke later that day and kiss me on my cheek.
Not so vocal but she comforts me on her own way.
That's all I need.

On the second time, I gave my heart, I did my best,
I disciplined myself, I wake up every morning without my Alarm clock
I have this fire in my heart, this driving force.
And for the second time, I allowed myself to be vulnerable
So that I can begin again, and so that I can seek God in my life again.

It was hard, I was alone, always alone.
But I have God, my family and my true friends.
And then BOOOM, I was able to restart and continue my journey.
I still cry sometimes, I still have doubts, I still have pain
But I am stronger and better.

So the days, weeks, months went by and i meet her again.
PreBoard Test, I was the highest
It really did paid off but fears starting to grow back.

On the last day of filling on the PRC, from Pangasinan to Baguio
It was already 2pm when Uncle Felix drove off the car so that we can be there at 5pm,
On our way it was foggy, raining and traffic.
I felt that I am too unlucky because this events keep coming.
We only have an hour to go.
And with the grace of God, we were able to file on the very last minute of the last day of filling.

I was relieved, but it seems the real battle was just starting,
I pray every single day
Read half of the day, saying to myself  "I dont wanna regret".
I did my best, I ask my loved ones not to call me.
They didn't call me.

It's just me and the never ending piece of paper.
It's just me and my hopes and dreams.
I NEVER GIVE UP! because this is what I've prayed.

For the day of exam,  I surrender everything to HIM.
For the last module, I answered it whole heartedly,
even if I'm so tired, saturated and drained.
And my family and friend called me.
I am happy
It's over

That day, It rained and I played under the rain.
I embraced the raindrops in my body while spreading my arms and
'umikot', it felt so liberating.
I am soaked and shivering but I am happy.

For the last day in my dorm, because I'm already returning to my hometown.
I cherished it and cried so hard thanking God for everything.

My journey is messy, my story is messy but not me.
The little things we find messy, is the path that GOD has bestowed us.

I believe in you pal.

and BTW I PASSED MY LICENSURE EXAM. Thank you for believing in me.

Embracing the Natural Look

Is make up necessity? Most of the girls in todays generation are proof that it is important. Technically I'm referring whether its light or heavy look.

Office girls or other professional girls must be presentable for their company or when facing a client. Highschool girls can also put on their light make up.

Do you know how well people put their makeups on nowadays? Just WOW! They are incredible or maybe you are one of them. You deserve a tap on your shoulder. J

But always remember to know your limitation. Please, I’m begging  you DO NOT OVERDO!!! Too much of everything is a disaster. That’s why I’m gonna share my little secret about having a Natural looks without too much of "kolorete". Do you wanna know it?

Here’s the list of my apparatus:

*PRIMER

Before I engaged myself to make up, I never knew that this thing even exist. HAHA I swear! Until one day, the Sale girl( the one in-charge in the Make up section) told me to use this so that makeup won't fade away that easily. And I believed her. You should belive in me too J

Apply ample amount only(include your neck)

*BB CREAM / FOUNDATION

Apply generously but you have to make sure you’ll blend it with your skin tone.

For me, I always manage to apply small amount only.

*CONCEALER BRUSH

You can use this or simply you clean hands J

*CONCEALER STICK

 My favourite J You can apply this on your face lines, I’m talking about your jaw lines, below your cheek bones, upper forehead, eyebags, and nose line.

*LIGHTER CAKE

Yes this is it! After all the clichés, this is not yet your end point.

*DARK CAKE

FOR YOUR CONTOUR! YAY! This is used to outline your face and to bring out your great shape of your face. Trust me again this is LEGIT!

BUT ….if ever you got too excited then you put too much, Don’t ya worry Go back to your light cake and make the adjustments.

*BRUSH

1.       For Blush On or fine powder      

  2.       For the lining of you lower eyelid

    3.       For Eye Shadows                          
 4.       For little amount of Eye shadow 

HELLO there again, I just wanna remind you that I’m not a professional MakeUp artist and this is what I do with my stuff. (peaceyow) :p

*EYE SHADOW

My favourite shade (simplicity!)

*LIQUID EYELINER

WAHHHHH. Do you know that everytime I used this I feel so professional or Respectable.

Maybe, I’m just weird or crazy.

*LIP PENCIL

ONCE AGAIN, the shade will depend on the lipticks you have.

*LIPSTICKS

MY FAVORITES <3

So I hope natulungan ko kayo to your conquest, always remember that you are beautiful with or without makeup. Godbless J

All about "THE ONE"

Ever since,all I ever wanted is to have my own Fairytale Happy Ending and my Prince Charming would be right at my side, holding my hands, looking deep into my eyes and He'll whisper adoration to me. HAHA Life is way different to what we are thinking, yes! reality HURTS!

There are BILLIONS of people in this earth but still I'm SINGLE and PROUD?

Finding your PERFECT MATCH may take time but if its God's will then everything is possible. All you have to do is BELIEVE even if it's so impossible.

Do you know that "ON-OFF" relationship, guarantees 10% happiness.
What is the problem?
What are your problems?
Why can't you fix it and destroy it over and over again?
 if I was in this position I think it's better let go. Letting go is a process, so does moving on but if you think you can no longer hold on then let go. LOVE is a game, its either you'll fight for it till the end or quit. BUT quitting doesn't mean your a loser, it just simply says that you are wise enough to pick up your own game and if you think you'll be unhappy End it. The good thing is at least you've tried.

That's just a TRIVIA :)

Can't find THE ONE? Love is in the air. You find will him/her.The Social Media might help you and please be approachable but only if they are decent. Our Mother Earth needs decent people who avoids Hatred! And I know for sure that the qualities you are looking for your Ideal One were positive(but then again nobody's perfect). Just don't be afraid to take a risk, Be you and if they don't like you then it's their lost. You are beautiful, believe in your abilities because I believe in you. YOU WILL YOUR 'THE ONE'.

My favorite paragraph from a Newspaper credits to Nelson Dy.

Never base a decision on "WHAT IFS" because you can never know what will really happen. You will end up with analysis paralysis. Rather, make a decision based on your goals then plan for the "WHAT IFS" which are the possible consequences of that decision.
The best antidote is to know that you have made a very good decision when your heart was still and calm and your thinking was still lucid. Thus, you move forward despite sudden misgivings that are emotional rather rational in nature .

When are you going to LOVE YOURSELF?

Yes, you are right! I am asking you. WHEN?

BUT before getting into somewhere, I have to ask you first. Why don’t you like yourself and you keep on trying and trying to be someone else? Well, there is nothing wrong in imitating someone BUT if you keep on comparing yourself to them then Girl/ Boy, you have a problem.

Through Social Medias like Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, facebook or etc, makes you updated to the latest happenings of your friends, relatives or your favourite actor or singer. In that case, we should also update ourselves and be in to the trends even though sometimes it’s no longer necessary. Because everyday, I mean EVERYDAY in your God’s gift life, only FEW people is your friend and very minimal people (Lower than Few) appreciates you, including God.

The world is not your competition, It is YOU, YOURSELF is your own competitor. If you’re not going to love yourself, who do you think would?

Appreciate your mistakes, because there will be a lesson after that. Learn to like your own status, because you know yourself its worth posting for. If they are going to insult you or even criticize you, THANK THEM because they have spare some time to you instead of looking themselves at the mirror. Don’t be afraid to show your FLAWS, because the UNIVERSE has flaws too. No one is perfect aside from God. 

And most importantly LOVE YOURSELF because you are worth it!